The duke and duchess of dating, Dan and Joan, dare opine in a two-part series on “10 Compliments That Wow a Man”?
DAN: Musing on the musings of Editor in Chief of Men?s Health magazine David Zinzenko, it would seem a woman?s best strategy is to compliment her beau?s arms and feet, and his affinity with children. She should also swoon when he changes a tire, laugh at his jokes, purr like Catwoman (I prefer the Julie Newmar incarnation) and say things like “Wow, impressive, I want you.” Comedian Chris Rock proclaims that all women need are “compliments, food and the occasional pair of shoes.” I shared Zinzenko?s article with my favorite barometer of the human condition, Chris, who said the message is that men, like women, want to be appreciated. “A quick stroll through any of the Mars and Venus books will tell you that, but also women want to feel they are special and unique to their man, and that we?re accepted in spite of our imperfections. So make sure you notice what we like about ourselves, and compliment us on that, and also notice what we?re insecure about as well.” I think since men are more visual than women, and women are more language-oriented, compliments don?t carry quite as much weight for us. Actions speak louder than words. So ladies, don?t just say it, show it.
JOAN: I think this compliment thing is inane. I like what Mark Komrad, M.D., a psychiatrist at Baltimore?s Sheppard Pratt Health System, says about attaining a healthy relationship. “People should ask themselves, ?How typical is it for me to go to my partner and say, I saw something in the way that I related to you that I don?t like about myself and I apologize for that. And it?s something I?ve seen is a pattern for me and I want you to know I?m going to take some responsibility to try to work on it.? ” If a man said that to me in a sincere way, I?d be blown away. That?s a powerful aphrodisiac. I wouldn?t need a compliment, believe me.
DAN: Blown away, eh? That?s because, my dear Joanie, you are so quaintly old-school. In today?s cynical, nihilistic, narcissistic and other things that end in “-istic” society, any man saying that would be denigrated for spending too much time reading Alan Alda?s Man?s Guide to Being Sensitive. You see, intellectually, women know they should be impressed with the strength of character and honesty shown by a man willing to say such things. But emotionally, today?s modern women unconsciously feel such a man is wimpy, too in touchwith his feminine side, not a man who can shingle a house and remind them of James Bond. Women too often assert that all they really want from their guy is the truth, but that?s only if it is a truth they are prepared to hear. Since navigating this labyrinth is rather daunting for most men, we smile blithely, offer a shower of compliments (chocolates and flowers when necessary) and hope we?ll be left in peace to watch ESPN.
