You?ve seen them. Those signs on the back of company trucks and cars asking that provocative question: “How?s my driving?” Just below it is a phone number, urging you to call with your thoughts or complaints.
When was the last time you were driving on the Baltimore Beltway, Reisterstown Road or Ritchie Highway and grabbed your cell phone to dial that number?
Never, right? Why? Here?s my theory. The guy in that vehicle would have to be a complete idiot to drive badly when there?s a sign on his trunk urging angry motorists to call his supervisor to complain.
That said, here?s my idea. There should be a universal number to call and report anyone who exhibits bad behavior on the road. People who cut you off. Drivers who speed in residential areas where little kids play. Motorists who see your signal but absolutely refuse to let you into their lane. You know, the jerks of the world.
This central phone bank would need a lot of operators. After all, as Carl Sagan would say, there are billions and billions of bad and obnoxious drivers.
A good chunk of them are right here in the Baltimore area. I was talking with a newcomer recently who complained about the rude habits of so-called Charm City motorists. He told me he saw a car with a bumper sticker that read, “I brake for animals.” He was surprised, because, he said, it seems like most Baltimore drivers accelerate for pedestrians.
Back to my point. This central phone bank would not just be a place to blow off steam. It would also have an enforcement arm. Anyone who racked up (pick a number) three complaints would be assessed a fine. A big fine. This penalty would surely make people think twice before behaving poorly behind the wheel. After you racked up five complaints, you would have to put a big sign on your car, the equivalent of the scarlet letter. It would proclaim your jerk-dom to all.
Just think how much more
civil our world would become. There would be a measurable reduction in the use of the finger. That alone would be a blessing. We?d see less road rage. I-695 would evolve into a veritable road to heaven. Motorists would drive the speed limit. They would graciously allow others into their lanes. Drivers would wave in gratitude. It would be like Camelot!
OK. Reality check. This is never going to happen. So here?s a Plan B. The next time you?re about to be a schmuck on the road, stop and think: What would your mother do? Then again, if she?s the little old lady who cut me off this afternoon, maybe that?s not the best advice.
Deborah Stone spent 15 years as a reporter and anchor at WJZ-TV and is currently a freelance writer. She is a 22-year resident of the Baltimore area. Her dog, Elton, allows her and her husband to share his home in Baltimore County.
