Headline 1, wherein Mary Katharine tries her best to avoid any puns. Is the White House’s census power grab unconstitutional? Meet the new guy in charge of the census. Gerry. Gerry Mander. Israeli turnout in national elections up 3 percent despite forecasts of possible apathy, rain, and a 30 percent chance of rocket fire in the south. Helen Thomas offers the Hezbollah view at prime-time press conference. The stimulus bill creates the National Coordinator of Health Information Technology, to make sure you and your doctor are operating in cost-effective and government-approved ways. That’s creepier than, well, Helen Thomas. Seriously, unless you want a 6-month wait for hangnail treatment, avoid universal health care. The problem with shovel-ready. If we don’t call them earmarks, they’re not earmarks, right? Whew, that was easier than expected. Obama appointee: Yep, salary caps sound great now that I’ve pocketed my millions from a bailout bank. Thanks!