A Japanese marketing firm was recently reported offering employees time off for “heartache.” Is “I can?t work today, I got dumped over the weekend” is a viable excuse? Or have we all just gotten a little too sensitive?
DAN: No, we?ve gotten a lot sensitive. Granted, a broken heart is called that for a reason ? it hurts. But I?ve found the best remedy for a broken heart is not to stay home, wallowing in a pool of self-pity, Haagen Daz and afternoon TV. It?s to focus my mind on something else ? like, oh, say? work?
How did we get so wimpy as to even consider ditching the office because of a bad breakup? Would Cal Ripken ever do such a thing? Can you image “The Duke,” John Wayne, saying, “Okay, pilgrim, you go on that cattle drive without me, cuz my lady done me wrong and I have to spend a few days gettin? in touch with my feelin?s.” Yeah. Right.
JOAN: If a woman or a man?s spouse or significant other has left them after a lengthy relationship or marriage, or they have been deceived or publicly humiliated by the spouse, taking time off of work seems very understandable. Even better if companies offer time off for this with pay. If after the breakup, the person feels depressed after two weeks, sleeps too much or has insomnia, has thoughts of suicide, loses his appetite, then these are serious symptoms and the person needs to see a doctor immediately. It?s ok to ask for help.
A group of my lady colleagues went to lunch at Fudruckers and while they picked at their low-cal salads, I popped the question: how do you feel about the Japanese company that gave time off for heartache.
Peggy, 50, who is a divorce survivor said, “After my divorce, I couldn?t concentrate. It?s very hard.” She agreed with the time off policy.
Cathy, 44, a widow, now engaged, said, “Yes and no. Sometimes work can take your mind off initially; but you?re crying and not focusing on anything. I think taking time off is a good policy if your heart breaks aren?t frequent and it?s not a pattern. It?s a good thing after a long term relationship, separation, or marriage.” At first,
Ana, 26, said it should be considered a sick day. Then she changed her mind. “If you?ve been with someone a long time, then it?s a good idea.”
DAN: Oddly enough, I don?t have any guy friends who have the time to pick at salads (make that steaks with a side order of steak, gruntgrunt) to ask this same question, but if I did, I can tell you their response. “Whazzat? Time off for getting dumped? What?s next, time off because the Ravens lost again so I?m depressed? That?s nuts, suck it up, get to work.”
In Tracy Kidder?s book, “Mountains Beyond Mountains,” Kidder describes the efforts of Dr. Paul Farmer to bring health care to the gaping well of need which is Haiti. Dr. Farmer speaks of the support he receives from “WLs” (white liberals). “But WLs think all the world?s problems can be fixed without any cost to themselves.”
Gandhi called “worship without sacrifice” one of the deadly sins. My point? We think that whatever problem may befall us, we must receive compensation. Feel deprived? Sue somebody. Got dumped? Get a day off. America, please ? stop the drama and grow the bleep up. Like relationships, life is rarely fair. Deal.
JOAN: Then get off your soap box and get your own right wing radio show.
DAN: Pot to Kettle: You?re black. I?ll step off my soap box when you step of yours! Hmmm, I?m talking about a saintly physician who is fighting to bring health care to the Third World, and, oh let?s see ? Gandhi ? and I?m right wing? The Mahatma was a Republican? A neo-Dr. Schweitzer is another Rush Limbaugh? Despite being friends and colleagues, it is clear we still, as Strother Martin would say, “have a failure to communicate.” And we?ve known each other for years! What chance do men and women who are just meeting each other possibly have to truly connect? But I digress. I?m the Human Digression. Why just the other day ? to quote Foghorn Leghorn, “Ah say, that?s a joke, son.” And so is taking leave because the high school quarterback didn?t ask you to the prom. Adversity builds character. Just ask Vietnam War veteran John McCain.
Dan Collins is a terminally single 40-something writer and local PR maven. Joan Allen is a noted matchmaker extraordinaire and author of “Celebrating Single and Getting Love Right: From Stalemate to Soulmate.”
