In the COVID-19 culture war, the ongoing debate about mask and vaccine mandates has demoted children’s well-being to a secondary concern after adults’ desire for control and safety.
Wanting to protect children is a healthy parental instinct, especially when living through a time filled with uncertainty. Indeed, we are learning something new about COVID every day, and the pandemic should be taken seriously.
But recent data suggest that children are at low risk of contracting the virus, and of those who die, many have underlying health conditions. The relevant question thus becomes, to what extent should this low level of risk dictate associated precautionary measures?
There exists a fine line between taking a sensible approach to life amid the virus and having a zero-tolerance approach to risk, allowing fear and worry to drive decision-making. The pandemic has had an understandable impact on mental health, with many feeling anxious, particularly for their loved ones.
Alarmist messaging has capitalized on this, encouraging underlying parental anxieties to run rampant instead of reining them in. Pre-COVID, this anxiety would have been expressed in other ways related to parenting, but it would not have elicited such support.
I do not do clinical work anymore, but when treating anxiety, clinicians will usually challenge a client’s feelings instead of mollifying them. For example, exposure therapy, a form of cognitive-behavioral “talk” therapy, is considered an effective treatment for anxiety disorders. It involves gradually exposing an individual to whatever it is they find fear-inducing so that over time, their anxiety diminishes.
This may seem counterintuitive, as most of us would prefer to avoid doing things that scare us. Despite providing temporary relief, avoidance is more likely to exacerbate anxiety in the long run. Bearing witness to parental anxiety can also foster anxiety in children.
Because anxiety does not have a political allegiance, COVID-related fears can be expressed in both directions, with some parents pushing for more restrictive policies and others favoring those that are less restrictive. The former group evokes greater concern, however, because more restrictive policies are becoming widespread.
What has been especially concerning is watching how pandemic-related anxiety has worsened dysfunctional co-parenting dynamics. Those who disagree with an ex-spouse’s personal decisions will leverage this, in some cases, to obtain full custody. This type of behavior is not only counterproductive in determining the best health outcomes for a child, but it is destructive to a child’s relationship with both parents.
Dr. Debra Soh is a sex neuroscientist, the host of The Dr. Debra Soh Podcast, and the author of The End of Gender: Debunking the Myths About Sex and Identity in Our Society.
