Recent studies indicate that only about 10 percent of the birds and mammals that supposedly mate for life are, in fact, faithful to their partners. So it would seem that infidelity may be standard operating procedure in the animal kingdom. Man’s an animal, right? Especially on Friday and Saturday nights. Kidding aside, should we be more forgiving of our loved one’s affairs because of biology, or should our snugglebunny be made accountable?
DAN: Snugglebunny? Is that like a snipe? Whatever it is, it’s probably unfaithful if what some of these studies say is true. People claim swans mate for life, but who would want to be with a swan? Those things are mean … and probably because they aren’t enjoying enough extracurricular activities, if you gather my subtle-as-a-Bavarian-oompah-band meaning. But then again, we are at the top of the food chain, and we should set a higher standard. So no stepping out — and I don’t mean dancing (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).
JOAN: Monogamy, which is of supreme importance to me in a relationship, has four strikes against it in today’s society: biology, psychology, family of origin/values and the media. Helen Fisher, author and research scientist at Rutgers University, addresses the biological needs of humans and animals in her book “The Anatomy of Love” quite well and with a good sense of humor. As for psychology, we as humans often want what someone else has. (“Her boyfriend is hot,” or “his girlfriend just came on to me.”) By family of origin, I mean that if your father cheated on your mother, you may think nothing of cheating on your spouse. Regarding the media, just open the newspaper. Did Rob Lowe have an affair with his nanny? Or rent the movie “Moonstruck.” It seems OK that Cher’s character’s father is cheating on her mother. Seeing these images constantly on TV and in the movies scars present and future generations about infidelity.
DAN: Remember that movies are designed to let us live vicariously through the characters onscreen — since we’re not supposed to cheat in real life, it’s nice to imagine ourselves doing so through “Moonstruck’s” Vincent Gardenia. I think your “four strikes” are just a bunch of excuses. I’m reminded of that scene in “The Blues Brothers” when Carrie Fisher charges John Belushi at gunpoint for dumping her at the altar. Belushi sputters, “My tux was at the cleaners. My car broke down. I couldn’t get a cab. There was an earthquake. An enormous flood! It’s not my fault!” In other words, “It’s my hormones. It’s the way God made me. My parents raised me wrong. Vincent Gardenia’s character cheated on his wife. It’s not my fault!” It boils down to this. Our society is all about getting what we want, and when something like, oh say, morals gets in our way, we research like Manhattan Project scientists to find excuses and rationalizations as to why we can get what we want, guilt-free. In fact, it’s our Manifest Destiny to have it, didn’t you read about this in Time magazine? We are a nation without backbone. We’re not adults, we’re children. Time we grew up.
JOAN: Dr. Richard Vatz, professor of rhetoric and communications at Towson University, says he’s agnostic on the topic of the portrayal of infidelity in film, but he is really concerned about the problem of teenage pregnancy. “The single greatest course of social pathologies (in the United States) is teen pregnancy, where the father goes away and the teenager raises the baby on her own. I was really surprised that in the latest Superman movie, it was considered the norm that he had a child out of wedlock. So often these babies become criminals. Regarding infidelity, some films show the consequences, some don’t. This issue pales by comparison to a 16-year-old having a baby. This is devastating to society.”
DAN: This is true. It doesn’t seem too long ago that the most serious teen problem was whether 35-year-old adolescent Arthur Fonzarelli could jump a row of trash cans on his motorcycle. Those were happy days. Literally. Kidding aside, when a child enters the mix, it changes everything. My father used to say that in life, if there’s something you really want, you better get it before you have kids, because once you do, they must be the No. 1 priority. It can’t be all about you anymore.
