They say you should never talk politics on a first date, but being “wrong” on an issue probably won’t be a deal breaker. Differing opinions on climate change and immigration, for example, would rule out a potential relationship for just 15% or less of the population.
A majority of the public, however, would find it difficult to negotiate around one divisive issue: abortion. According to the American Enterprise Institute’s latest American Perspectives survey, 24% say it would be impossible to date someone with different opinions on the subject of abortion. In contrast, 44% say it would be very or somewhat difficult.
It makes sense, considering abortion is an issue that could directly affect many couples. But it also fits in our polarized culture, where the politics of abortion are weighed even by online dating sites. OK Cupid has recently run ads stating, “It’s OK to choose Mr. Right based on how far he leans left,” and “It’s OK to choose to only date someone who’s pro-choice.” (One might wonder whether, in this corporation’s eyes, it’s also OK to choose to only date someone who’s pro-life.)
Another one of the most divisive issues between couples has little to do with policy and everything to do with a specific politician. “Sixty-three percent of Americans say they would not consider dating someone whose views on Trump differ from their own,” according to the survey. “Thirty-seven percent say they would consider it.”
Jeanne Safer, a liberal psychotherapist and the wife of conservative National Review senior editor Richard Brookhiser, said the secret to maintaining relationships across the aisle is not trying to change anyone’s mind.
“The thing that I discovered that was the most important mistake that people make — can’t even say it’s a mistake; it’s an attitude — is that we go into these fights with the agenda of changing the other person’s mind to feel like we do,” she says. “Even if they disagree profoundly with you, they can have reasons that are moral reasons for their positions.”
Fewer than 1 in 4 people believe having differing political views would be a significant problem for a marriage or romantic relationship. But the number of people who see political differences as a problem has grown over the last few years. There are a few issues that most of us are willing to compromise on, but the extent to which we accept disagreement just keeps getting smaller.
