Sorry, “Star Wars” enthusiasts. The U.S. federal government won’t be joining the Dark Side anytime soon.
In what might be the greatest official government statement ever, entitled “This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For,” the Obama administration declined to construct a working Death Star, the space station that featured prominently in the original three “Star Wars” films.
The administration said it “does not support blowing up planets” and cited the prohibitive cost and “a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship” as two more reasons for not constructing a Death Star.
The statement is a response to a White House petition asking for the U.S. government to secure resources and funding for — and start building — a fully armed and operational Death Star by 2016. The petition cited “job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more” and “national defense” as the reasoning behind the proposal.
“The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon,” Paul Shawcross, chief of the science and space branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget, wrote in the petition response. The statement went on to outline advancements the U.S. and private companies are currently making in the area of space exploration, including “research on building Luke’s arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers.”
And even though the Death Star won’t be constructed, fans of the “Star Wars” films will undoubtedly love the White House’s witty response to the petition — even if it isn’t the petition response they were looking for.
