Mary Katharine Ham Presents: Real Heroes of Liberalism (With apologies to Bud Light)
Today, we salute you, Mr. Quit the Only Job He Ever Had Rather Than Honor Jesse Helms Guy. (Mr. Quit the Only Job He Ever Had Rather Than Honor Jesse Helms Guy!)
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You’ve shown us the truest example of petulant, ineffectual grandstanding by disobeying a gubernatorial order to fly flags at half mast in honor of the late North Carolina senator. (Speaking truth to power!)
Not content to voice your disdain for Helms’ so-called “doctrine of negativity, hate, and prejudice” in the traditional ways, you operated with impressive megalomania and myopia, even for a career government employee. (No letter to the editor for you!)
If there’s a specious free-speech argument to be made, you’ll make it.
If the meaningless martyrdom of the local cafe crowd is out there, you’ll find it.
And, if you have to say that the taxpayer-funded building and employees of the North Carolina Standards Laboratory actually belong to you because you’ve been there 29 years, you’re not too shameless to do it. (Mmmm, taxpayer money is government money!)
So, crack open the classifieds, Mr. Jesse Helms Hater, because the Chapel Hill speaker circuit is already filled with tenured professors qualified to call the state’s beloved late senator a racist, and they don’t need you. (Good luck facing the “Bush economy,” or any economy for that matter, you overgrown bureaucratic ward of the state!)
(Mr. Quit the Only Job He Ever Had Rather Than Honor Jesse Helms Guy!)
